Perimenopause rage - why you're suddenly losing your temper
- Simone Jeffries
- Aug 17
- 10 min read
If you've found yourself raging over things that would normally just annoy you, you're not alone. The hormone changes in perimenopause can really mess with your emotions.
When "nice" women start losing it
At work: the disrespectful meeting
A successful marketing director sat in my clinic last month, looking embarrassed: "I called off a business meeting last week. It was 15 minutes after my presentation was scheduled to begin and the men I was presenting to hadn't turned up or messaged me to say they were running late." she said. "I was suddenly so angry - I'd worked hard on my presentation, and treated me like my time didn't matter. So I emailed them all, 'We'll reschedule when you can show up on time.'"
She was shocked at her own behaviour. "I've NEVER done that before." She was wanting me to help her fix the perimenopause rage and emotional shifts.
At the pool: the stolen noodle incident
Another client told me she felt out of control anger when a much older woman stole her pool noodle during aqua aerobics. "Normally I would just get another noodle, after all it's much easier for me - I'm about 40 years younger, but this time, I wanted to f*n kill the bitch," she confessed, then immediately looked horrified that she'd shared that information about herself - would I judge her? Who was she becoming? Was she going to be like this all the time now? What if it happened again?
At home: the dishwasher explosion
Just last week, a woman described feeling mortified after she exploded at her 11 year old son. "I was trying to unpack the dishwasher and he was just standing there, in my way, on his phone. I suddenly screamed at him to move. The look of shock on his face..." She paused, eyes filling with tears. "He actually looked frightened of me. I've never yelled like that before." Can we fix this? Is it my hormones?
What do all these women have in common? They came to me thinking something was wrong with them.
But here's what I tell them: Nothing is wrong with you. Your rage isn't random - it's revealing. It's revealing how your hormones are changing at the moment, and it's revealing things that you may feel resentful about but may have been tolerating.
In my naturopathic practice, I witness these moments of emergence every week. Women who've spent decades being "nice" suddenly find themselves setting boundaries, speaking their truth, and refusing to be taken for granted. And it terrifies them.
"What's wrong with me?" they ask. "I feel so angry all the time." "I'm turning into someone I don't recognise." "Is perimenopause rage normal?"
Your changing emotions in perimenopause
The progesterone decline: your inner people-pleaser goes offline
Progesterone is your calming, accommodating hormone. It's what helped you to be naturally cooperative, agreeable, and able to cope with what life throws at you. When progesterone starts declining in your early 40s (often 5-7 years before your periods stop), you might start to feel anxious for the first time in your life. Work and home life can seem more stressful and the 'little things' can be harder to cope with.
i remember one of my daughters coming home from Girl Guides and telling me that she needed to take a plain white T shirt to paint on the following week. It doesn't sound like much to ask for, but at that moment in my life it seemed like an insurmountable mountain. There was no way I would fit a trip to the shops into my out-of-control but ever-so-finely-balanced juggling act that was the reality of my life. I already had too many balls in the air, in that moment I felt like there wasn't a possibility that I could juggle one more thing without my entire life coming crashing down around me. My reaction to that innocent request was driven by a fear that my daughter had no possibility of understanding.
Let's be honest about what else is happening in your life right now.
Your 40s are often the busiest, most demanding stage of life. You might be juggling a demanding career while managing teenagers, driving young children to and from parties and activities, caring for aging parents, maintaining a household, keeping up with social obligations, perhaps studying or starting a new business. Everyone's stressors are different, but all women have one thing in common: the sheer amount of time everything takes up and the chronic lack of time for yourself.
No wonder your nervous system feels overwhelmed. You're navigating major hormonal changes while living at maximum capacity, with minimal recovery time.
How can you tell that it's perimenopause that's causing your rage?
You wlll most likely be noticing a few changes in your menstrual cycle. When progesterone starts to decline, your menstrual cycle might get a little bit shorter - perhaps your regular 28 day cycle is now 27 days. You might notice that the symptoms you're experiencing in the week before your period are more intense. This premenstrual week is when you will notice the rage that comes out of nowhere, and perhaps other symptoms such as low mood, anxiety, brain fog, spotting, insomnia, constipation and/or migraines, This is the early stage of perimenopause and many women will also report that their periods are much heavier during this time.
This is where herbal medicine becomes crucial - not as a luxury, but as essential support for what you're actually dealing with.
Herbal medicines for supporting you with perimenopause rage
Nourishing your adrenals in perimenopause
We have beautiful adaptogenic herbs t0 help your adrenal glands cope with the stress of transition, the feeling of being close to burn out all the time. The right combination can make an enormous difference to how you feel day to day. When your adrenals feels genuinely supported, you can navigate these hormone changes with more ease and less reactivity.
Supporting emotional regulation
Calming herbs, 'nerivines', can help settle your nervous system without suppressing your authentic responses. The key is finding the right plants to match your particular symptoms.
The goal isn't to go back to being the accommodating woman you were - it's to help you express your truth from a centred, grounded, less anxious place.
Hormonal support
There are many lovely herbal medicines that can help smooth the hormonal fluctuations that drive emotional intensity, making the ups and downs more manageable while your body adapts to its new normal.
Why this transition feels so difficult (and why that's normal)
Fearing the angry woman you think you're becoming is completely understandable. You're not just changing hormonally - you're beginning to challenge a lifetime of conditioning about how women should behave.
The conditioning runs deep
From childhood, girls learn to be nice, helpful, and accommodating. We're rewarded for putting others first and criticised for being "selfish" or "difficult." These patterns become so ingrained that speaking our truth feels dangerous, even when we desperately want to.
The internal struggle Is real
When the hormone changes of perimenopause strips away your ability to continually function at higher and higher levels of stress, you're left with a conflict:
Your authentic self wants to set boundaries
Your conditioned self says that's selfish
Your body craves rest and prioritisation
Your mind says you should keep giving
No wonder you feel anxious, emotional, and exhausted. You're fighting against decades of programming while navigating major hormonal changes.
Perimenopause rage can be revealing
Let me share why that pool noodle incident was so significant. When we dug deeper, my client realised it wasn't really about the noodle, she had gone to the aqua aerobics class to try to wind down and do something nice for herself after dealing with:
Colleagues who interrupted her in a meeting that morning
Family members who assumed she'd always accommodate them
A friend who cancelled plans for dinner at the last minute (again)
The dishwasher mum had a similar realisation. Her explosion wasn't really about her son being in the way - it was about feeling invisible in her own home, constantly managing everyone else's needs while her own went unnoticed.
The gentle revolution of flower essences in perimenopause
One of my favourite tools for supporting emotional transition is flower essences. These gentle remedies work on the emotional and energetic level, helping you integrate new ways of being with less internal resistance.
There are dozens of flower essences that can support different aspects of this transition - from embracing change to releasing old patterns, from building confidence to trusting your intuition. But choosing the right combination requires understanding your specific emotional landscape and where you need the most support.
Trusting your emotional responses in perimenopause
When you feel angry, anxious, or overwhelmed during perimenopause, instead of immediately trying to fix or suppress these feelings, try asking: "What is this emotion trying to tell me?"
Your irritability might be pointing to situations where your boundaries are being crossed. Your anxiety might be your intuition warning you about people or circumstances that drain your energy. Your sadness might be grief for the parts of yourself you've kept hidden for so long.
These emotions aren't malfunctions - they're information.
You have permission to look after yourself
Here's what I want every woman in perimenopause to know: you have permission to become yourself, and to look after yourself.
You have permission to:
Say no without elaborate explanations
Feel angry when you're disrespected
Prioritise your own needs sometimes
Speak your truth even if it makes others uncomfortable
Set boundaries that protect your energy
Trust your instincts about people and situations
This isn't selfish - it's authentic. And authenticity is what the world needs from you.
Supporting your cycle
Even if your periods are becoming irregular, tracking your emotional patterns can be incredibly empowering. You might notice:
Certain weeks where you feel more confident and clear
Times when boundaries feel easier to maintain
Predictable dips in mood that coincide with hormonal fluctuations
Use this information strategically. Schedule important conversations during your stronger weeks. Plan gentler self-care during more vulnerable times. Give yourself permission to feel more emotional on certain days.
Understanding your patterns helps you work with your body instead of against it.
The gifts hidden in the struggle
The women in my practice who embrace this transition - who see it as an emergence rather than a breakdown - often tell me it's the best thing that ever happened to them.
They start businesses they're passionate about. They leave relationships that drain them. They pursue interests they'd shelved for decades. They become the mothers, partners, and friends they always wanted to be - authentic, boundaried, and real.
This. Is. Hard. As you become more authentic, some relationships will change. People who benefited from your people-pleasing might resist your boundaries. Family members might struggle with the "new you."
This can be heartbreaking, but it's also clarifying. The people who truly love you will adapt and respect your growth. Those who don't... well, that tells you something important about the relationship.
Supporting yourself through perimenopause
1. Get the right herbal support for YOUR body
Your perimenopause experience is unique - your symptoms, your constitution, your hormone patterns are all different from the next woman. This is why over-the-counter remedies often don't work well.
There are dozens of herbs that can support nervous system function, adrenal health, and hormonal balance during perimenopause. But the magic comes from knowing which combination will work best for your particular situation. That's where working with an experienced herbalist makes all the difference.
The right bespoke formula can be life-changing - but it needs to be designed specifically for you.
2. Trust your emotional responses
Instead of immediately trying to fix or change how you feel, get curious about your emotions. What are they telling you? What boundaries do you need? What situations no longer serve you?
3. Find your tribe
Surround yourself with people who celebrate your authenticity rather than those who want to keep you small. This might mean some relationships naturally fade - and that's okay.
4. Practice self-compassion
You're navigating a major life transition while challenging decades of conditioning. Be gentle with yourself as you learn to trust your authentic responses.
5. Get professional support
Whether it's herbal medicine for hormonal support, counselling for emotional processing, or both - you don't have to do this alone.
Common Questions About Perimenopause Emotional Changes
Is perimenopause rage normal? Absolutely. Women often experience rage and irritability as their primary mood complaint during perimenopause. The decline in progesterone removes your brain's natural calming influence, allowing authentic responses to emerge.
Why am I so angry during perimenopause? Your anger isn't random - it's revealing. When estrogen and progesterone decline, you lose the hormones that made you naturally accommodating. What remains is your true response to situations that actually deserve boundaries.
How long do perimenopause mood swings last? Perimenopause can last 2-10 years, but mood swings typically settle as your hormones stabilise after menopause. With the right support - including herbal medicine and lifestyle changes - you can feel more balanced throughout the transition.
Can perimenopause cause anxiety for the first time? Yes, many women experience anxiety for the first time during perimenopause. The hormonal fluctuations affect neurotransmitter production, particularly serotonin, which regulates mood and anxiety levels.
Is perimenopause brain fog permanent? No, perimenopause brain fog is typically temporary. Your brain is literally rewiring itself to function with different hormone levels. Think of it as an upgrade process - it takes energy and creates temporary disruption, but the end result can be greater clarity about your authentic priorities.
Are blood tests helpful in perimenopause? Not really. The most reliable way to know that you're in perimneopause is from noticing the changes to your menstrual cycle. Your hormones are changing every day, so blood tests are not a good way to measure progesterone or estogen in perimenopause.
Your Perimenopause Plan
In my THRIVE program, we don't just manage perimenopause symptoms - we support your authentic emergence with individualised herbal medicine and flower essence therapy. Every woman who joins THRIVE receives a one-on-one consultation where I create a bespoke herbal formula designed specifically for her body, symptoms, and goals.
You'll receive:
A personalised 45-minute consultation to understand your unique symptom pattern
A custom herbal medicine formula created just for you
Individual flower essence recommendations for your emotional journey
8 comprehensive modules covering every aspect of perimenopause
Understanding of how your changing hormones affect emotional regulation
Strategies for setting boundaries and communicating your needs
A personalised health plan with nutritional and lifestyle tips unique to your bodys needs
The woman you're becoming
She's not necessarily nicer than you used to be - but she's truer. She's not easier to manage - but she's more authentic. She might not meet everyone's expectations - but she honours her own needs.
This woman has always been inside you. Perimenopause is simply giving her permission to emerge.
The question isn't whether you'll change - hormonal changes in perimenopause are inevitable. The question is: will you fight this emergence or support it?
With understanding and warmth,
Simone x
Simone Jeffries is a qualified naturopath with over a decade of experience supporting women through the emotional and physical transitions of perimenopause.
Her THRIVE program combines evidence-based herbal medicine with flower essence therapy and practical strategies to help women embrace their authentic selves with confidence. As an ANTA registered naturopath, Simone specialises in natural perimenopause support using individualised herbal formulas and Australian health practitioner standards.
This blog is intended for information and not to diagnose or form the basis of a treatment plan. Please seek professional help for all your perimenopause symptoms.
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